What Defines a Best Friend?

If you’re searching for your next great read, Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton is a must. This raw and captivating memoir of her twenties is more than a collection of personal anecdotes—it’s a beautifully written exploration of love in all its forms, with a particular focus on the one that often gets overlooked: friendship. With humor, vulnerability, and an almost uncanny ability to articulate the experiences so many young women share, Alderton pulls readers into her world. She recounts disastrous dates, nights out that begin with champagne and end in tears, and moments of self-reflection in the sanctuary of her London flat. Yet beneath the chaos of romantic misadventures and quarter-life crises, Alderton unearths something far more enduring: the power of friendship and the role it plays in shaping who we are.

At the heart of the book is Alderton’s relationship with her best friend, Farly. Their friendship faces every high and low, offering a kind of stability that romantic relationships never quite do. Through their evolving bond, Alderton examines what it means to grow alongside someone, to face the inevitable shifts in life that pull people in different directions, and to hold onto the friendships that truly matter. She captures the small but significant moments—the inside jokes, the unspoken understanding, the way a best friend can read your mind with just a glance. She begs us to asks an important question: What defines a best friend?

A best friend is more than just someone we turn to for advice or a person who makes us laugh. They are the ones who see us at our worst and stay anyway. They challenge us to be better but never demand that we change. They hold up a mirror when we can’t see ourselves clearly, offering both unflinching honesty and unwavering support. A best friend is the person who remembers the little things—how you take your coffee, the way certain songs make you cry, the things you’re too proud to admit you need. They are the person who knows your past, believes in your future, and stands beside you in the present, no matter how messy it gets.

I sometimes jokingly refer to my three best friends as the council, but the name isn’t entirely a joke. It fits because they are the people I turn to for wisdom, for grounding, for the reality checks I sometimes need but don’t always want. They each serve a different purpose in my life, and yet together, they form the foundation that keeps me steady.

One is my challenger, the one who refuses to let me settle for less than I deserve. She pushes me out of my comfort zone, not because she doesn’t love who I am, but because she sees what I am capable of becoming. She believes in me so fiercely that, even when I doubt myself, I borrow her confidence until I find my own again. She is the one who will call me out when I make excuses, who will refuse to let me shrink myself, and who will always, always remind me of my worth.

Another is my listener, the one who offers understanding. She never rushes to fill silence or offer easy solutions—she knows that sometimes, what I need most is simply to be heard. She reminds me that strength doesn’t always mean pushing through; sometimes, it means allowing myself to feel. She has a way of making me feel seen even when I can’t quite articulate what’s wrong. With her, I never have to pretend. She listens, she understands, and she never makes me feel like I am too much or not enough.

The third is my adventurer, the one who adds color and spontaneity to my life. She reminds me that not everything needs to be overanalyzed, that some moments are meant to be lived, not dissected. She turns the ordinary into something memorable, making even the most mundane errands feel like an adventure. With her, I laugh the hardest, take the biggest leaps, and remember that life is meant to be felt. She pulls me away from my overthinking and reminds me that not every decision has to be the right one—some just have to be fun.

Though they are different in every way, together they are the people who ground me, support me, and remind me of who I am. They are my greatest supporters and my most honest critics, capable of telling me the truth when no one else will. They know the tiny details that others overlook, and they remain, even when life pulls us in different directions. And that, I believe, is what truly defines a best friend: the person who remains when everything else changes. The one who makes your worst days bearable and your best days even better. The one who knows your flaws and loves you not in spite of them, but because of them.

 In a world that so often glorifies romantic love as the pinnacle of human connection, Everything I Know About Love reminds us that friendship can be just as profound, just as life-changing. Alderton’s memoir is not just about navigating the trials of adulthood or finding love in the way we’re conditioned to expect. It’s about recognizing the love that’s been there all along. The friendships that shape us, sustain us, and endure beyond the fleeting intensity of romance. The people who see us, truly see us, and choose to stay. It’s a love letter to best friends everywhere—the ones who hold us together when we feel like falling apart.